Nine and Three-Quarters

I wrote this for my little brother, Nicky, as I was driving back from Nor Cal.

Right now we're on a long car-ride
And your arms are all scratched up
From holding your brand new kittens
You've always been irrepressible
And tough on the outside but
Sweet as cold summer's ice tea in that
Fragile, stubborn heart of yours
I'm holding back tears
Hoping the best for you,
Praying and praying
That you will grow
Confident and strong,
Bright and joyful
I don't know how to tell you
How much I love you;
There's only so much I can say
When you're only nine and three-quarters
But I hope one day
You will read these words
And know that I
Pray for the world for you,
I pray for the brightest and best and
For strength in the face of temptations and
Fierce convictions through the
Challenges that await
I love you, my brother,
Only nine and three-quarters
And if you ever fall down
Don't be afraid to
Stand up again,
Quick as you can

You are better than anyone could ever tell you.

Please, don't believe any less than that.

On a young Summer night.

he told her i was pretty
and i looked over
at a tall, shy boy
his light eyes
avoided mine
and i smiled up
at the summer sky
wishing i could say,

"you could be mine."

but instead, i was silent
and we looked away from each other
pretending there was nothing-
no hidden magic,
waiting to be stirred up
no secrets held
behind pressed, knit lips

just me,
smiling
at a tall, shy boy
on a young summer night.

Somewhere at the Intersection of Hope and Fear

Somewhere at the intersection of Hope and Fear
I walked slowly,
Afraid and excited
Unsure of each step forward
But refusing, still,
To go backwards
I asked you for a secret
And you sent me
A letter of broken notes
From a dusty piano
I'm unaware of the pieces of you
I should be holding onto
As I let go of myself
Close my eyes
And slip silently into still waters,
Green and warm
I'm not quite convinced
That drowning in this indecision
Is where I shall remain
Finally,
I stop chasing and
Freeze.

I notice my heartbeat-
Insistent and reassuring
And I hold your letter to the fire
As I watch it being swallowed
In the flames of
All the ways you did not care
And all the ways I stubbornly did.

On A Spring Day

I did a cartwheel after I wrote this.


THANK YOU, LORD
For a gust of sweet flowers
On a spring day that's
Pretending to be summer,
Excited for her sister
To come for a visit
Thank You for the birds
Arguing,
Bright, shrill voices
Layered over cotton clouds in a
Pale blue sky
For warm sun touching
My skin
Thank You for my skin
That stretches over
A body that is healthy
Healthy and moving am I

Thank You for late-night conversations
With friends I've known
Too many years to remember
I count them anyway
Smiling
At those star-bright days
Kissed by Providence
As I learned
How to be a true friend.
Thank You for the times I have
Screamed and yelled,
Immature and bratty
At a family who accepted me,
Who kept me in their
Loving hearts and
Extended to me
The grace needed
To grow
I am so imperfect
And I see it in
Scars and secrets
Spilling from the pages of
My messy monologue
Highlighting my still-bright story
I just wanted to thank You, Lord,
Because today I got to
Walk the beach and
The sun was perfect and
It was then I knew
That You loved me.

:)

Collective Heart

Dedicated to the man I will one day meet... :)


One night soon
We will be
Dancing underneath
Lights that twinkle
With the glow of our love;
I love you already
My heart is full
With the love saved up
From months and days
And moments that passed
In which I waited for you
And I continue to-
I continue to hold your name
Above all others in the human race
My precious love,
One day soon
You will hold me and,
Finding light in the bright corners of
These sacred spirits
We will always have love
Glowing, blissful
In our collective heart.

Sea Thief

One day I stole
Several perfect seashells
From a bush by the sea

I'm sorry.

The Forest

Afraid of what's inside of your heart
I take off running
Into the nearest forest
The outskirts of
This village of trees
Are shrouded thickly
Piercing and crowded
I run at a pace
That is frantic and desperate
I am chasing
And I am chased
I am not strong
I am not proud
I'm ashamed.
Shame steps with me
Clunk, clunk, clunk
Pounding into the forest floor
I want to be invisible
And disappear into the wind
As the sun slowly dips
As the air grows cold
I am more lost
As the hours pass
As my lungs burn
I lose you
And freedom from your
Dark brown eyes
Tastes sweet in lungs
That burn like betrayal
How could you let me go?
How did I let it go this far?
In this forest I will take refuge
Running until
My bones dry up
And my heart caves in
Maybe tonight,
If I run past the twilight
I will escape
The pierce of your eyes
And the sting of your words
Maybe if I run past the sunrise
I will reach the world's end
And I won't need you
To fill up these holes
I will be one
With the wind and the trees
And everything inside of me
Will heal

I repeat these words as I continue
Running.