Monday, April 28, 2014

full heart.

"thank You for making me who i am."

she whispered up

into the clouds

her heart finally full

healing on some approaching horizon

she felt love spilling down

into the tips of her toes

electric in her every limb.

Light Will Come

To let in this light,
This glorious and giving
This light that feeds
The dark coldness
Plaguing a wilted, heavy soul

One must break

And through the cracks
The light will reach in
Usually falling upon a tongue
In a mouth in a body in a soul
That tastes honesty, quietly,
Seeking something
And laboring to keep
Two feet
Touching earth

In the silence
That sometimes sounds like
A painful cacophony

Light will come,
Tears will fall
And beauty will sing
Words that a mouth cannot comprehend
But a soul knows by heart.

side by side

side by side

in a crowded car

our arms touched and

i felt it in every inch of my silent soul

smiling out the window

voices fading into the background

just you and me, barely touching

my eyes on the horizon,

my heart aflame.


I was inspired to write this by three hitchhikers I saw throughout the course of a day, but truly, I wrote this about myself, about the time when I was a runner.

Do you even know where you're going,
Thumb pressed to the sky
Belongings scattered clumsily
On the road beneath your feet?
Always leaving, always searching
Restless for the next destination
Happy for a fleeting moment,
Glancing lustily
At the newest town
Coming up over the mountains
In the passenger seat
Of a stranger's car
Your pulse may quicken
For a fragment of a second
But in a few days
The streets will seem tight and suffocating
The residents, uninspiring
The scenery dull and
Maybe even sinister
Until you bow to that silent urge,
The merciless master that is
Fingers twitching and toes, yet again,
Carried away
Feet blistering with too-quick movements and
Eyes shining wildly
As you leave

Never, ever
Opening a rusty and dented, nailed-shut heart
Long enough to call anywhere

Gentle soul.

I wrote this half-asleep one morning, in a moment of deep self-love.

I love my gentle soul
Lying in the dark
Just murmuring herself awake
Opening eyes with slanted cracks
To the bells of an alarm
The morning starts
In a hazy mist
And I sit up slowly
To embrace the dawn

Good morning, gentle soul
How peaceful you look
As you breathe softly
In a musical rest.


Somewhere along the way
I forgot about you
And I gained a trust in myself
Something that told me that I was worth infinitely more than
A hazy infatuation and your leftover thoughts and halfhearted affections
And on a sun-soaked day I looked out at the people around me
And I saw that I was a misfit
But I raised my flag anyway
Walking down a narrow way
With my fists held high,
Hair blown back in the wind
Feet barely touching the ground
As I wondered,
Is this what freedom tastes like?

Written in my dad's truck

i trace this neighborhood
with the wheels of this truck
like the back of a well-worn shell
the streets curving
in gentle rhythms
the road feels fast
the night is heavy
my heart, light
and when the melodies are high enough

i can drown out your name.


With you
There is no definite
The end result is always altered
Day to day
The light changes
Ever so slightly
I am constantly perched
On stiff, cramping toes
Wondering if
You are impressed
By my circus show
Did I make you laugh
With the joke I constructed?
Did I make you smile
With my subtle compliments?
I laugh at myself
For trying so hard
And I smile at the moment
When I will let this go.


I won't admit to you
That I thought about you tonight
My mom almost hit three cars
On the way back from the recording studio
And the sea of red car lights seemed
Unnecessary and unimportant
All I could think of
Were the airplane lights
Cutting into moody clouds
On an April night
That would witness your departure
From the state of California
Maybe no one else noticed
As well as I did
That you're gone

My heart sinking,
My breath, wistful
And ironically,
My car got broken into today
They smashed the windows and took my purse
And even though I cried
Like a little child
It didn't hurt like
It hurts to know that
You left and didn't car enough
To tell me goodbye
You didn't say goodbye

Well, here it is-
Wishing you the best
Wishing you all the great things
That the state of Ohio has to offer.

last night

i was unsuspecting last night
and secretly, i even said to myself
that i would never fall
not for him, not for him
i drove slowly
through the city traffic
relaxed, laughing, not really knowing
that when i saw him
my heart would twist into a startled knot
i couldn't even focus on his outer
when his soul shone like the stage lights that night
i saw right through
to his bright, pure heart
he looked at me lightly
and then looked away
his soft, green eyes
locking with mine
for split-second increments
and then fading into the dimension
between time and space
when he spoke to me,
his voice carried like a perfect lullaby
my knees began to tremble
when he smiled out of the corners of his mouth
and looked straight into
my unsuspecting brown eyes
i swallowed the lump in my throat,
heart quickening, thoughts racing
and hastily i stuttered that
i had to go

for the rainfall has been heavy on this heart of mine
for quite some time
and i fearfully question her strength
if i were to allow her to be soaked through once again
so i have her wrapped tightly
in these strips of fear and self-protection
the very cloth pieces that began to tremble
seeing those soft green eyes set above sincere words and
his nervous smile
i looked back into the city lights
as i drove away and left him behind

i sighed
leaving him
in last night.

The Cure

Come into my spirit and
Make me fresh
I've grown so tired and
I don't know why
Come into my heart and
Make me new
I know that I am sick and
The cure lies in You.


I will look at you
With a look of pure Love
For I've come to the conclusion
That you tried your best
And even when I shivered in
The basement
Of the coldest places of your
Wrecked soul
I know you loved me
I know you tried
And I will always be yours
And you will be mine

I just realized that
I couldn't rest
In anger and deep sadness
And the only place I could rest
Was in forgiveness.

Part Of Us

Part of us works;
Peals of laughter
Sprinkling the chandelier
And spilling over our uncertain hearts
Sitting side by side
On the floor in your room
You showed me a box
Of your favorite things
And you opened up to me
Things that only a few others know
I felt privileged
Hanging on your words
You looked at me like a little sister
And I smiled up at you
Blushing and looking away
Like a week-old bouquet of roses
I held out my hand and
You pulled away
Which brings me to
The part that doesn't-
The words I say
That you beat black and blue
With misunderstanding
The awkward silences
The collected moments in which
You turned from me, colder than the winter nights on which I used to
Say goodbye to you, close the door and
Wish you were mine but
That part doesn't work.

We're unfinished and
It frustrates me like
Smoke rising from a chimney

For I see if
One part doesn't work
The rest will surely die.