Outrun

Wrote this in a quick panting/ walking break while on a run, and pondering why I run.


As I'm running on the
Pounding pavement
The pain in my heart
Becomes physical,
A visceral sense of
My shame and abandonment
Sweeps through these lungs,
In my sides,
In my chest;

I see how she looked at me
Condescending, she scolded
She stripped my confidence
To the bone
And ever since
I've been wriggling in regret
So scared and ashamed
I twitch in my sleep
Nightmares are a familiar hand
Clammy and cold, to hold my thoughts

Just like he left me
Lying here
He clearly shouted into my heart,
"Yes, I know you and
No, I don't want you."

Which yes,
He has every right to say
And no,
That does not numb the pain.

So here I run
In shadows, in daylight
Here I run
In cold and in warm
I let my shadow
Follow my steps
As I try to outrun
My sorrows.