Sometimes, it's like my emotions just sweep me up like a ballroom dancing couple practicing a new lift. It's strange, although sometimes beautiful or seemingly suffocating, to feel so out-of-control. On the days when my sun isn't shining, I find myself overwhelmed with feelings. Some of them make me gasp at their shivery coldness, like being dropped into the icy ocean. Others whisper gently into my ears before they overtake me, like a soft, sad harp solo before the big finish.
In those moments of crying, wishing, loneliness and uncertainty, I seem to find a flicker of something wonderful underneath them, like a rich note from a cello barely held out for a moment, or a quick belly-laugh that catches me by surprise. That flicker is probably why I find that pain can be beautiful, because once I get over the lonely hill I've been climbing, I stand at the top and smile at the thousand love songs reaching out and over the pain to get to my ears. It's as if God planned this, and that once I fight my battles, the destination is a new, stronger me.