Raindrop

What would you do
If I were a raindrop
And you caught me in your palm?

Holding me close,
Would you see pure water;
The fragmented beauty of
Clouds' shattered shards?

Or would you see simply
Foggy rainwater,
Just a blank, little drop
With nothing to offer?

I'm scared to know the answer,
Shaking in my rain-boots.

25 Random Things

I wrote this in January 2009, when I was 17 and in the musical High School Musical 2. I thought it was cool so I wanted to share it here! :)

1. My favorite color is purple and has been since I knew what a color was.

2. I have 10 siblings.

3. I just got my ears pierced wooo!

4. I am so excited for HSM2 that it feels like a bubbling volcano inside of me!

5. I write a lot.

6. I play the bass and the piano.

7. My worst fears are being trapped in a vent, clowns, loneliness and spiders.

8. My favorite kinds of dance are tap and lyrical.

9. When I figure out someone is mad at me, it feels like someone punched me in the stomach.

10. I'm very sentimental (Lisa reminds me that a lot haha)

11. I have a famous chocolate chip cookie recipe.

12. I collect movie tickets.

13. I love who I am when I'm with my fam and friends.

14. I read the Harvard medical book (1998 edition) (yes, I pride myself on my strange qualities haha).

15. Chastity and humility are beautiful to me.

16. I worry wayyyyy too much.

17. There are 5 people right now who I call my best friends (besides Christina and Lisa).

18. I think real beauty comes from kindness and selflessness.

19. "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist is my current favorite book.

20. I think modest is hottest haha.

21. Helping people with a problem or giving advice makes me so happy.

22. I love Taylor Swift's 2 albums SO MUCH.

23. People who are funny and make me laugh are amazing (cough cough Hill).

24. I think people are usually a lot funnier and cooler when they don't swear.

25. I am so thankful for life and all of the weird surprises and random adventures!

I Am On An Airplane...

(I wrote this on the plane from New York to L.A. :) it's a combination of missing L.A. and my hometown in northern California.)

I WANT TO GO HOME;
Where the sun sets low
On Ocean's bend
Where the seagulls perch
On glassy shores
Where sun smiles down
On peaceful people
With my hands held high
To Heaven's gate
I praise the Name
I hear so loud
In my hometown
With people I know-
People who smile,
People who glow
Christmas is there,
Embedded in memories,
My family sings
A million melodies
HOME:
Where my heart lies,
Sleeping,
And never leaves.

Haiku In Blue

Even though I seem
Like I'm okay inside me
My heart feels like rain.

Earthquakes

Why is it that I feel butterflies here?
And why do I ride on this absence of fear?
Whenever you're near I can't even stand still
Like earthquakes shake objects on your windowsill
I quiver and burst as I stand in your light
And feel my heart's seizure as my veins ignite
Like a rainbow cracks glass in a bottle too tight
I swallow your love and it's like kryptonite
And though I am frightened of how I react
I'm scared that my heart's too far gone to turn back
I beckon her softly, but she won't come through;
She's fearless and stubborn when it comes to you
And part of me likes that together we're art
But part of me fears that we'll soon break apart.

Monday

Our excitement fades
Like the weekend dies down
And who are we now
Without artificial bliss?

Band-Aids

Everyone falls down some days;
Everyone gets scrapes
And even those
Who stand so tall
Will need a new band-aid
And even when your wallet's full
Your heart may be undone
And empty as a lonely house
That never sees the sun

Everyone falls out of love
And finds, sometimes,
They're bruised
Just some of them
Live right next door
And some are on the news

The thing is that
It's easy to
Forget we're all the same
And everyone needs band-aids
Even if they may have fame.

Houses

This one was inspired by a walk through my neighborhood, and pondering what lives people are living behind their front doors.

Houses that seem
So peaceful on the outside
But who knows the struggles
That burst in these walls?
Who knows if peace
Finds a way to escape
From the people who hide
In these gingerbread houses?
Is peace just their paint-coat-
A front, a facade?

Humility

Humility
Drips in each crack
In my soul
Like filling my lungs
With concrete
And it burns in my eyes
Like soap in the shower
It sears in my ears
In hot, scorching bolts
It slaughters my pride
Into bold, bloody bits
And I am left,
Breathless,
Watching this murder
I wonder,
"Was this what I wanted?"
But I know in my heart,
In my bruised, bleeding heart,
That
YES
This is just what I need.

Think Of Me

Will you think of me tonight?
Under lonely moons and
Single stars
I sure know I
Will think of you;
And will you count back
Just one year
To when our paths
Were crossed right here?
Or have you boxed up
All our talks
And cut me off
Like grown-out locks?
I'm not right here
To be to you
A symphony
Left out of tune-
I want to fix this,
Make it right
So please, just
Think of me tonight.

Teenager

Tonight I'm just
A lonely teenager;
Lying in the darkness,
Wet hair on the pillowcase
Singing along in my head,
Sad songs playing
In my ears
Wondering, as I talk to the stars
Where you are
And
If you care
?

October Nights

October nights
In the cooling air
Are places I find
Something special there
Like a woven whisper
Or a secret dream
Or a patched-up romance
With sewed-up seams
I find the air
Of Autumn's kiss
So soft and sweet
In rain and mist
And winter waits
On a chilly street
Where spring will come
And autumn meets
So on this night
In mid-October
I hope you'll hear
My special wish;
In falling leaves,
I find my Faith
And think of Love-
The one I miss.

Someone Just Like You

I met you just a week ago
With your sideways smile
On curling lips
And your gentle air, so strong, yet fair
Flowing from your fingertips
And in the hours that we spent
I felt such magic in the air
I love everything you are
From the words you say
To the clothes you wear
And inside of my whole life story
With all its' changes and its' twists
It's nice to know
That in this world
Someone just like you exists.

The Grapes Of Wrath

Inspired by the novel by John Steinbeck

People, real people,
Come here to live
They come here to work
Till the sweat drips down, quick,
They come here to laugh
With a sound, sweet and thick,
They come here to rest
When their loved ones are sick
They come here to sleep
Under stars that hang heavy
With dreams weaving
Whispers of wishes,
Wished steady
And out of respect
Comes a truth you can't touch
Your eyes will leak tears
If you ponder it much
And people come here
To feed children they bore
Children who eat,
And then ask for some more
And God shines His sun
At this place where we are
When the men gather 'round
As one strums the guitar
He sings about things
Everyone has felt some
And flowers grow tall here,
As ripe as lush plums
So come from a place
You can't stay anymore
Come to this camp
Where we all share the floor
And pick up your feet
When to walk is too much
For Love lives within,
Like a river must rush.

Your Song

Dedicated to T.S.

Tonight the sky is clear
And the stars blink out
Like sparkling gems
I walked outside
In the summer air
To answer you
As you called my phone
I asked you why
We haven't talked
When we've been friends
For far too long
To let it fall
And throw it away
I said that we
Would lose too much
And in reply
You said to me
All the reasons
That I'm wrong
Lame excuses,
Explanations
You laid them out
Like dominoes
Lined up neatly,
Side by side
And then
With one last final flick
You knocked all of
The dominoes down
And every thought
I've used on you
Every ounce
Of deep concern
Was stained and wrecked
To unrecognizable conditions
Then once again
You said I'm wrong
You said goodbye
And clicked the phone
As I stood there,
Shocked and surprised
With a raging ocean
Crashing inside of me
For as I told you
How I felt
My voice wavered
As I swallowed the knot
Tying up my vocal chords,
Strangling my beating heart
Then as we said goodbye
The knot untied
My heart collapsed
As tears streamed down
My naïve face;
I'm such a fool
For trusting you
I wonder if
The neighbors heard
On this clear night
As I stood outside
And sang your song
At the top of my lungs-
The song I wrote
Just for you as I
Sobbed and sobbed
For you being lost.

Wall-Flower Girl

I will never
Be the girl
Smiling, like a traffic light
A blinking signal,
Drawing eyes
Attention, admiration
Like lights for flies
I'm a little bit
Of a wall-flower girl
Hiding behind
Shyness and uncertainty
Never really knowing
If I'm good enough
Shooting too far
And trying too hard
I'm not that girl,
That effortless girl,
Who slides into her clothes
And swishes out the door
I trip over my feet
Too many times
To be like that
I look in the mirror
Then look away, quick,
Knowing that I
Am not that girl
With a million friends,
With a perfect face
Sometimes I ask,
What's wrong with me?
But other times,
Times like tonight,
I look at the moon
And say
THANK YOU, GOD,
Thank you that boys don't fall at my feet
Thank you that
I'm no one special
Just a heart full of love
And a beaming smile
And clumsy feet
And giving hands
I'm just me-
Katherine.

Battle

He sits outside
And stares into
The world that never
Turned his way
He breathes and hopes
That one day soon
Things will change,
He'll be alright
And no one knows
Except for me
How he feels or
How he dreams
Of days when he
Was young and strong
He'd play his songs
And sing along
His smile stuck
So well, like glue
He never knew
That one day soon
The colors coating
His very heart
Would change their shades
And then his art
Would go from gold
To midnight blue
And now whenever
He tries to smile
I see behind
Those sapphire eyes
The dripping tears
The lonely nights
I feel his pride,
Kicked in and torn
I see his shoes
So ripped and worn
From walking down
The giant hill
That represents
His battle, still,
He fights and fights
Gives in and crumbles
He runs, then walks,
Then trips and stumbles
And as he sits
There on the floor
My heart cries out
And even more
Than anything
I want to help
I know I'd give
My very self
To see him
Laugh out loud
Or smile
Because I know,
It's been a while.

One Hundred Reasons To Live (For Fantasia Barrino)

You sit on the floor in strangling silence
Feeling used up, with not much left to give
But, here in my heart, I will show you one hundred
Reasons to keep on, reasons to live;
First, are the notes
That escape from your throat
When you sing through your sorrows,
With grace you emote
Next, are the days
In this life you have left
So bursting with promise,
Like sparkling gems
Then there's your daughter,
Your beautiful girl,
She needs you to show her
The light in this world
There are hot cups of coffee
From dark, shiny beans,
And movies you love
With wonderful scenes,
Beautiful days
With hot sun in the sky
Questions from kids
Always wondering, "why?"
Soul-searching people
Who need those like you
To show them your talent
And make them feel new
Songs that make you
Feel like weeping with joy,
Buying your daughter her favorite new toy,
Black and white papers that tell you the news,
Jazzy club singers who sing you the blues,
Starry night skies that make you catch your breath
All of the shows that you have to play, yet,
The feeling of being upfront on the stage
To sing like a bird, let out of his cage,
Opening gifts from those that you love,
Writing new songs no one's ever thought of,
Sleeping on beds that feel just like clouds,
Sitting in silence, laughing out loud,
Helping out people who just need a hand,
Watching a boy grow into a man,
Knowing that you have a purpose in life,
Knowing you don't have to give up the fight
Hugging your mom, seeing her smile,
Knowing that you're an American idol,
Seeing old friends when it's been a long while,
Fresh, Autumn leaves scooped up in a pile,
Seeing the world, meeting your goals,
Steaming hot tea for when you're feeling cold,
Learning to trust, learning it's great
To get right back up when you fall on your face,
Learning to love who you are deep inside,
Seeing the ocean rush in at high tide,
Being with people who make you feel warm
Helping your daughter move into her dorm,
Summery days and hot, August nights,
Parties outside under twinkling lights,
Seeing an infant take his first breath,
Believing in magic, taking life's bets,
Swing-sets and treetops in lush, verdant parks,
Lampposts and rooftops with bright, singing larks,
Taking a bath after long, busy days,
Cold, rainy, Aprils and green, springing Mays,
Friends that you know like the back of your hand,
Swimming in oceans, walking on land,
Fresh, bulging fruit, hanging, plump, from a tree,
Juicy, green salads, ready to eat,
Making mistakes but then learning a lesson,
Feeling relaxed after far too much stressing,
Keeping your promises, growing each day,
Learning the way to be truly okay,
Driving on highways and blasting your songs,
Having true friends to dance, sing along,
Video cameras to make mem'ries stick,
Hot bowls of soup whenever you're sick,
People like me who wish you the best,
Big, comfy couches when you need a rest,
Hearing a song that gives you the chills,
Cracks of sunlight on white windowsills,
Painting your nails, finding your voice,
Gaining more insight from each messy choice,
People who start with a handshake "hello"
Then turn into family and help you to grow,
Cold cups of water on hot, scorching days,
Operas, museums, musicals, plays,
Poems like this that come from the heart,
Feeling in awe of a bold piece of art,
Reading good books, starting anew
Bouquets of flowers wrapped up just for you,
Finding the light after seeing the dark,
Learning to hit life right on the mark,
People all gathered 'round Thanksgiving feasts,
And, last but not least,
The fact that somewhere in a place up above,
A God watches over, a God full of love,
And after your time on this earth has gone past,
You'll find if you search for a Joy that will last,
You'll find it in Him, who will shine it in you,
Fantasia, there's so much to live for and do;
I pray that you'll look for this Joy and this Truth
I pray that you'll see all this world holds for you.

Worth It All

Somewhere far away you lay
Somewhere there you laugh and pray
And I am here, sometimes in bliss
But at times like this, in loneliness
I know you're there, and we will meet
I won't feel cold, I'll just feel heat
A glowing flame of love will burn
And from these lessons, I will learn
That even though at times I fall
I know that you are worth it all.

Make A Promise

(To Jesus Christ)
I always want to be there
As you are there for me
I want to make a promise
That I will always keep
I want to keep you close
For without you, I can't see
All the beauty in the world
All the good in me.

Insecurity

Insecurity
Is so absurd
So time-consuming,
Crazy
All the reasons
We make up
Are all corrupt
And lazy
And all that hours
That we waste
Staring at our
Changing faces
Eat away
Our precious time
Insecurity
Is such a lie.

Life-Savings

I've spent my life-savings
Of care and affection
On a sad, sullen boy
With a bad heart infection
And now I'm too drained
To glance at him so
I'm running away
And letting him go.

Duct Tape

What is my voice
But nothing to you?
You said that you care
But you know that's not true
So here is my duct tape
Here, cover my mouth
Turn up the music
So you'll drown me out
But please, in the future,
Don't ask what I think
Don't tell me you'll listen
Like a friend or a shrink
Just tell me the truth-
That you hear like you're deaf
And talking to you
Is wasting my breath.

To My Best Friend

Everything was soaked in rain
All my dreams were dripping wet
There was no way I could see
How I'd be happy just yet
But then I heard I'd see your face
And angels sang Amazing Grace
Because whenever you're with me
I am whole, I am free.

Lamb

I am no lion
I cannot roar
I am no eagle
I cannot soar
I am a lamb
A small, frightened thing
Trying to fly
Without any wings.

Music

I look around
And all I see
Are people full
Of empty dreams
Their eyes go blind
From fame-filled lights
And pockets stuffed
With cold money
What happened to
The melodies
That calmed my fears
And fed my dreams?
I hate this thought,
This dark machine
Music will never
Be that for me.

Promise

I'll give you a band-aid
To fix up your heart
I'll patch up your soles
When they fall apart
I'll bring you hot soup
When you're feeling cold
I'll be there for you
Until you grow old.

Happy

I'll let you go
Because you are happy this way
I'll let you go
Because I care
I'll let you go
Even though
Losing such a friendship
Seems cruel and unfair
I'll let you go
With tear-stained eyes
That you'll never see
Because I hide
I'll let you go
And from afar
I'll hope you're happy

I hope you are.

Cream

There's an old cup of coffee
Sitting on the table
The cream is all cracked,
Broken into pieces
Kind of like you,
Kind of like me
I guess we were never
Meant to last,
Never meant to be.

Let You Go

Hand me a brush
A canvas that's blank,
A palette of colors
The highest in rank
Turquoise and fuchsia
Tangerine, cream
Every great color
An eye's ever seen
Then with my brush steady
I'll cover the base
The whole of the canvas
With thick coats of paint
And with these smooth strokes
My feelings will flow
With trembling release,
I will let you go.

Three

Find me someone
Who loves to dance
Because it makes
His heart feel free
Show me someone
Who loves to sing
Because it brings joy
To you and me
Then find someone
Who doesn't care;
All he wants
Is fame and wealth
Then line up these three
And I swear you'd hear
A belly-laugh
From Art, itself.

Collector

What happened to the words you said
That pounded straight into my head?
What happened to the things you did
That zeroed in on my heart and bit?
Like piles of files, all your faults
Stacked up high and filled the vaults
Inside my mind, now I'm so scared
For now you're back, I'm not prepared
With all the reasons we were wrong
That I collected when you were gone.

Order's Not Ready

I'm sorry, sir,
But your order's not ready
Though you may find this
Inconvenient and petty
The heart you want
Inside my chest
Needs a while
More to rest
And you can't pay
A million dollars
Or hire all your
Smartest scholars
To investigate
The day I'll be
Ready for
Your company.

Picture

I look back to that night
When we were driving in your car
Radio blasting, summer heat
Clear, black sky with a slice of moon
I rolled the window down
As you were talking, happily
And as I look back to that picture
And think of all you mean to me
I realize that I loved you then
Just as much as I do now.

Pretending

Every girl you see
Turns the other way
As you make the wrong decisions
When you know it's a mistake
But I can't be like that
And follow you around
Pretending it's okay
To watch you as you drown.

Hide And Seek

Jesus can be found in breaths
Slowly rising in our chests
And gifts we give with loving hearts
In the wrapping, torn apart
The Love of Him lives quietly
Like a game of hide-and-seek
If you seek Him, you will find
Happiness and peace of mind.

Dance

Take my hand
And we will dance
Like oil jumps
In sizzling pans
Like rain rushes
Down mossy treetops
Like laughter splatters
Over stagnant silence
We will dance like that.

Not For Me

Drinks spill out
And fill their cups
Everybody
Sips them up
Except for me,
It's not for me;
For I want my eyes
To see things clear
I want my mind
To think bright thoughts
I want my heart
To love, unrestrained
I want my soul
To be snow-white
No, thank you, sir
No drink for me.

With The Lord

On my own
My footsteps shake
So I can
Barely walk
And by myself
I try to sing
But I can
Scarcely talk
Yet with the Lord
I can be
As sturdy as
An ancient tree
And sing with notes
Like honey, sweet
But only when
The Lord's with me.

Haiku # 6

Please don't take your words
As light as a feather falls
For to me they're not.

Missing Piece

I close my eyes
And think about
The one who I
Can't live without
The boy who God
Has made for me
Who is my puzzle's
Missing piece
I feel I have
So much to give
So many days
I'll spend with him
I'll keep his secrets
Ans share mine
Give him all my
Love and time
So right now as I'm
By myself
I won't get sad
Or sigh or dwell
Instead I'll be
Ready for
Whatever God
Has in store
Still, until then
I stay within
A happy place
And think of him.
<3

Player

Don't you know
How desperate you look?
Going around
From girl to girl
Shattering hearts
Like panes of glass
Building their hopes up
Only to smash
The fragments they kept
Yet now that you've stepped
On the last of their
Broken-up souls
The pain and the fear
Run swiftly as tears
Down from their eyes
As they see through your disguise
And though you may say
This is just as you planned
Heaven knows, you're a boy
Dressing up as a man
And with each trick you play
Same as each line you say
You're playing a game
Seeing girls without names
You call them the same
A word I won't say
But the truth is,
Through all of their pain
There is only one soul
Spinning out of control
And all that you do
Will catch up to you;
One day you will fall
Really care for a girl
And on that same day
She'll be your whole world
With beautiful eyes
Like her heart of pure gold
You'll want to be there
And do just as you're told
You won't be quite sure
How to act, what to say
Your lines won't work for
She's much more than your game
Then she'll smile at you,
Reach out for your heart
But then be confused
As you give her a part
A tiny, cracked piece
She won't know what to say
For she kept her heart whole
As you gave yours away
And you'll feel like your soul
Is covered in rain
For she sees you're a player
And won't take your game
You may ask how I know
That these things come to be
It's cause I knew that boy
And that girl was me.

Scars

You've seen who I am on the outside
With make-up and hair done, big, bright smile
You've seen me with best foot forward
But look past the inch and it goes a mile;
Sometimes I'm broken and can't find my way
Sometimes I can't think of what words to say
Over and over, I make big mistakes
Like trusting too quickly, I slam on the brakes
I make crazy messes
Inside of my head
With thought trains in circles
No logic, instead
I'll mix up a fact
With a feeling I felt
Then take it all back,
Blaming all but myself
Will you love me when
I am angry at you?
For different opinions
We both say are true?
What about days
When my hair is a mess
And I don't feel pretty,
Just frazzled and stressed-
Will you love me then?
Will you still be there?
What if I got cancer
And lost all my hair?
Would you see me for
Who I am deep inside?
See, I'm far from perfect
And don't want to hide
I want you to love me
With all of my scars
Cause that's how I'll love you-
For all that you are.

Green Tea With Honey

The only thing
I've had today
That kept a smile
On my face
Is a smooth, hot cup
Of clean, green tea
With soaring drops
Of sweet honey
Coating over
My lonely throat
With notes of
Bitter, sweet and so
The drops fell from
My scarlet mug
And into me
Like ribbons, snug
Tie packages
Of good intent
That carry gifts
(With love they're sent)
And so I taste
The soaking leaves
And with each sip
I feel happy.

Feelings

"Thank you for those feelings,"
I say to my heart
For even though the joy
Was quick and not enough
And even though the pain
Was hard and cut me up
What I felt was love
And what I felt was a broken heart
And the colors of those feelings
Like the memories of those days
Were bright and beautiful
And harsh and dark and heavy
And I'm glad to know
I felt those things
As my heart expanded
Like a rippling kite
I'm grateful that
I took a swing
With all my strength
Though I missed the ball

I'm glad I tried
I'm glad I hurt
I'm glad I loved.

Hey, Surfer Boy

Hey, surfer boy
With the tousled, golden hair
When I passed you by today
I couldn't help but stare
I was running down the beach
iPod music in my ear
I wonder if you saw the sweat
Dripping down my face like tears
As you shook the sand off
Your sun-kissed, salty skin
You smiled like the sunlight
In a way so genuine
And as our eyes were locked together
My heart swelled up with sudden joy
All I felt was summer weather
When you smiled, surfer boy.

Secret

The secret is
I care for you
Like Nature cares
For drops of dew
That nourish all her
Springing plants
And crumbs that feed
Her marching ants;
I care for you like that.

In-between

I used to hate
This in-between place
Between love lost and love found
This tree house hanging
In the sky
With feet not quite on the ground
But today as I stared
Out the windowpane
At a blue sky,
Perfectly clear
I realized I find
Something beautifully real
Whenever I
Find myself here.

Look-Out

It's like you're
Always on the look-out
Waiting for me to slip up
Like I don't really mean it,
I don't really care.

I don't know why you've never trusted
A day in your whole life
But regardless of the reason
I'm getting kind of tired
Of waiting for your
Green light
And hoping you
Will realize

I'm not here to watch you fall.

Loser

No one's gonna call
So I should stop
Checking my phone
It's a Friday night
And yet I'm stuck
Haunting my home
Does that make me a loser?
Or am I just
Figuring it out on my own?
They say that you
Should go on dates
And try the different types
So why can't I
Seem to ever
Catch anybody's eye?
Maybe I'm a loser
And that's the reason why
But even all the girls I see
With beautiful faces,
Calendars full
They never seem to be
Happy
So maybe it's just
A story we're told
Maybe I don't need a date
Maybe life is really great
Being home alone at eight,
A loser on Friday night.

Princess

I don't want to love him
I don't want to do this
My heart is still in pieces
I don't know how to glue it
I want to hide away
Like a princess, locked up, high
Fall asleep, await my prince
Away from games and lies
I've been searching, all these years
For one to treat me right
I feel like a morning sun
Waiting out endless nights.

Training

Everyday
I'm learning to stop missing you
I'm patient with me
When my heart takes the lead
With the usual rush of her beats
I calm down my thoughts,
Show them new things
They're so used to your name
Turning circles in them
So they all look the same
It drives me insane
To think of how much I've trained
To stop feeling your pain.

Giraffe

I feel like a fool
As I'm flapping my arms
Up and down
Side to side
Trying to find
Any way
For you to notice me
As you stare in her eyes
Tears fill up mine
She drinks up your love
Cause it's always in her cup
She's used to the taste;
They all love her

And I ask myself,
Who am I?
A giraffe picking leaves
From a tree
In the sky?
No one tries
To decide
What I'm holding inside
They don't care
They don't guess
If I'm calm
Or a mess

I'm going to stop flapping now-
You won't see me anyhow.

Joy

How do you bottle
Joy?
Where do you find
Such an undefined thing?
To me it is music
To you it is weekends
To her it is climbing
A mountain, one higher
Than the one she
Climbed yesterday.

Alone

Thinking back
On the words between us
Couldn't quite figure out
Why we came so undone
Scanning my memories
Trying to find
That tug or pull
That unraveled it all
But today
I discovered
Why we broke;
I heard it through my window
The words you spoke
To that pretty girl
Walking down your street
You told here
You liked her
Better than me
I don't know if it's her words,
So foreign and mysterious
The sarcasm she punches
Like a fighter in the ring
Or the smile on her lips
As her eyes gleam mischievous
But I do know
This fact:
I could never do that
I could never be that
So I think I'll turn around
Find my path home
I think I'll be okay
I think I could be happy
Alone.

Vulnerable

My soul is wide open
My shield has now shattered
I don't know what's coming
But it doesn't matter
Cause I am here, helpless
Breathless and weak
From caring so much
And trying to trust
Someone who doesn't
Quite care about me.

Water

Water, pure
And water, clean
Water, come and
Wash these spots
Of black, black ink
Dripping on our souls
From greed
And loss
Of self-control.

Heartless

"Here is my heart,"
I told him
I closed my eyes
And handed it freely

I opened them up
He was gone
Without him
I feel
Heartless.

What We Felt

I guess we've all
Felt like this:
Like undisturbed afternoons
Like salty fries
In sugared shakes
Like floating masts
In soaring sailboats;
Free from cares
And ready to give
Anything
And everything
To the one who keeps us
Up at night
Writing poems
On stacking pages
When we should really
Be asleep
And I guess we take
The drenching storms
The aching emptiness
The desperate tears
And the start-all-overs
All because
What we felt
Was beautiful.

Searching

Somewhere floats
A severed soul
Searching for
Its' other piece
Searching for
A girl like me
Who's searching for
The same as he.

Birthday

Tomorrow's your birthday
And for these past weeks
I've been trying so hard
To patch up our leaks
We were so close
I trusted so quick
I thought you'd be there
And tomorrow I'd give
You a letter or a package
With a picture of balloons
Saying, "Happy birthday, my friend"
And then one day soon
We'd turn into best friends
Sharing secrets and stories
But unfortunately
That's not
The twist to this story
Cause now you have left
And we're no longer friends
And my heart feels so hollow
Like a path with no end
I wish we would make up
I wish we would mend
But every time I try
You won't change, you won't bend
Won't talk, and I'm calling
Out for you instead
Saying, why did we end up
Like strangers, my friend?
But I can't use that word
Cause friends we are not
The pain is so heavy
To know you forgot
But it's worse to think maybe
You remember, indeed
But now that you've known me
There's no reason, no need.

Poet's World

I escape into
My poet's world
There are no rules here;
I am free

Free from stress
And hard decisions
That shadow my sun
Till I'm shivering, stiff

And in this world
I can be
Whoever my heart
Wants to be
No one ever judges me
In my poet's world.

Someone I Would Like To Know

For some reason
I thought that you
Were someone I
Would like to know

I didn't see
Beneath the teeth
That gleamed out from
Your charming smile

That you were really
Someone I
Should stay away from
As best as I can

I turn away
To be alone
Away from you
But still, unknown
Embarking now
But on my own

I wish that you could be
Someone I would like to know.

Forgotten Things

The sun is coming
My lungs are filling
Finally I'm over you

The silence is breaking
My fears are aching;
They know they are no longer true

And it's funny to see
The boy I loved
With such a perilous force

Cower into
My mind's back corner
Where Time stampede's its' horse

He'll never, ever, ever know
How I struggled for him
But it doesn't matter
How much sadder
I was, or how I adored him

Cause he wouldn't listen
Or take my opinion
And give it a set of wings

He was too busy
With talking about him
And other now-forgotten things.

The Pick-Up Artist

The pick-up artist
Watched me
And picked me from
The rest
And with the lines
He'd memorized
He wrapped my heart
In twisted vines
The same that he
Had used before
On all the other
Girls who wore
Down to the planned-out
Schemes he set
From practiced moves
From books he read
He calculated
All I was
To see how he
Could make me bend
He used up all
The tricks and plans
To try to make
Himself my man
To break into
My very soul
As if I'm like
An entered code
He treated me
Like all the rest
Although I know
I'd love him best,
Give all the love
He'd hope to get
Too bad for him
I tore his net
The one he had
Laid flat for me
To set a secret
Trap for me
Although I was
For one blink caught
I quickly saw through
All I'd bought
I shook him off
With just a scar
And got into
My get-away car
To go back to
The place I live
Where people love
And people give
Instead of take
(As he did best)
Now he's on
Another quest
To maximize
His benefits
I wonder when
He'll realize this:
That inside girls
Are beating hearts
And in the end
He'll fall apart.

L.A.

Everyone is dressing up
Screaming, searching
For a face
To look at them
Not look through them
And tell them
They are worth something;
Worth a breath
Worth some time
Worth one glance
Or anything
I am here
To tell the world
Everyone is
Priceless.

The Story Of A Pen

Today my pen
Ran out of ink
I ran its' dry tip
Back and forth
Trying, hoping
It would run
In elegant lines
Once more for me
But after a while
I found my pen
Had finally
Run out of life
No haiku, song or limerick
Would I write again with it
Then, after time,
Had passed a bit
I came back in
Determination:
One more flick
I clicked the cap
I was surprised
To see a line
Black and curving
From its' tip
Alas, my pen
Had risen again!
I wrote the word
ALLELUIA
And this poem
Is the proof
That my pen
Has been renewed
Also, something
I have learned
From a pen,
So small
Is that people
Are like ink
When you may think
They're too far gone
Give them one more
Flick of faith
You may find
You were wrong.

Hannah

Hannah said today
With her 9-year-old
Brown eyes
That she didn't like herself
As she stared down at the floor
It cracked my heart in half
And tears ran, swift,
Behind my eyes
I looked at her
And tried
To show her why
She's beautiful.

Frozen In Your Veins

You could be
An astronaut
You could be
A poet
You could be
A lion-tamer
Or anything,
I know it
But right now
You are not yourself
Life is frozen
In your veins
So when you
Come out of this
I will be here,
Waiting.

Art

Don't give up
This thing you love
Just because
They can't see
How you hear
The way the world
Tilts its' head
And feels the sun;
There's magic
In your
Art.

With You

Don't come near
This healing heart
This fragile frame
Of just-built woodwork
Don't remind
This mixed-up mind
Of all the thoughts
And mem'ries he took
Just step back
Let me heal
Let me slowly
Mend my wounds
Let me just
Get back to me
Cause it's so hard
When I'm with you.

Fabric In The Sun

Every day you fade
Like fabric in the sun
The truth becomes
A blinding light
I see you're not the one
Every day I take a step
Away from cells and
Chains and bars
Every day
My soul breaks free
From what I saw
And who you are.

Listen To Me

I opened up myself
And let you inside
But you ran away
In distraction
And then yesterday
You came back so quick
With questions and hints
In your childish eyes
I'm sorry I can't
Keep me open forever
I gave you a chance
You let it fall out
Of a careless back-pocket
In your unknowing jeans
Maybe I'd listen
If you'd listen to me.

Worms

I feel like
I'll end up
Like worms on the pavement
Dried in the sun
Crushed to a pulp
And with no reminder
That once in this body
There was fresh
Life.

One Hundred Days

Looking back
One hundred days
I thought today
Would be the day
When I could look
Back at your face
And say that I
Am now okay
But in my face
The truth is plain
In shots of pain
That streak my eyes
And in my brain
A thousand nights
Of you and me
Play constantly
My heart still aches
To this day
My tears still burn
On scribbled pages
My hands feel cold
And no one holds
My heart as much
As you still do
And when I see
Your coffee eyes
And when I count
The stars at night
You still come up
And fill my cup
With empty hopes
And dying dreams
And pain so deep
A million feet
I pull my sheets
Over my head
To block out you
And all you said
Promises, words
Torn up neatly
You said that you
Would always keep me
I wish you would
Quickly come back
Maybe my heart
Wouldn't feel black
Maybe my tears
Wouldn't stain my days
As I write your name
On a thousand pages
But now you're gone
With lines of girls
Soon you'll be
With her or her
I guess that I
Just wanted to say
That I miss you still
After one hundred days.

Strong (Wisdom Teeth)

You stand in the fire
The flames won't stop licking
You shiver in ice
The cold keeps on burning
You can't sprint away
You know you must stay
But still you stay focused
You just can't stop reaching
Your lungs won't stop breathing
And now that you've felt it
Now that you've scarred up
Now you are strong.

Little Brother (For Joey)

A brand new face
That wears a smile
So pure and fresh
And free from cares
Little brother
So bright and small
With tiny feet
That run so fast
A laugh that breaks
Like shattered glass
And hands that reach
For everything
Eyes so round
That gaze at life
With wonder, joy
And fascination
And eyes that never
Drip with tears
From broken hearts
Or pained goodbyes
But only crying
From a fall
Or broken toy;
Little brother.

Opportunity

Green fields stretch
For miles and miles
Rain falls fast
In glossy puddles
Still we drive
Our tires spin
As opportunity
Lays ahead.

Haiku For You

Talk to me again
Without you I'm so crazy
One word and I'm free.

Artists (Inspired by Van Gogh; For anyone who loves to create)

Artists, we stand
Under towering torrents
Rain and night, heavy
Weigh in our souls
Strug'ling for air
We let our thoughts breathe
In song, paint or ink
Any way to stand, freed.

Darkness

Could it be
Darkness was
Hiding in
Whispers?
Light was
Nearby but
I covered
Its' features
Chills touch
My skin
As I realize
This truth:
Sometimes
Darkness
Looks just
Like light.

Better Than You

The light has shifted
My eyes are new
The song has climbed
In transposition
And now I see
Now I hear
That everything's different
In terms of you
I thought you were strong
And just what I need
But now it is clear
You're dead wrong for me
I think it's because
I'm different now, too,
And the person I am
Does better than you.

The Top (Chastity)

Steps and steps
That creak and grumble
As we scale up
In hesitation
While dusty wheezes
Cake our feet
Yet still, we climb
These ancient stairs

Now I can feel
My bones aching
I wonder if
They will give way
And when you look
Back down at me
I see you feel
The very same

Then, finally,
We reach the top
And gaze out at
The stunning view
The river runs
In icy shivers
The birds soar
With fanning wings
The trees stand up
And reach to Heav'n
With verdant boughs
And branches, thick

But though the sky's
As pure as hope
And though the air's
As fresh as youth
I know this place
Is beautiful
Because I reached
The top with you.

Song

As I hear
The song you showed me
I think of you
Your broken eyes
Your blackened heart
And the smile you wear
Like a coat to cover
The bleeding wounds
That spill from your soul
I hope when you hear this
The golden words
And ghostly signs
Of hidden hope
Reach inside
And touch you
I hope you're inspired
I hope you are new
I hope you fall to your knees
And cry out to Heaven
While tears soak your clothes
So the Love you've frozen
Will melt and rush
Like a snow cap's river
Out from inside you
And into the hearts
Of the pleading-eyed people
Waiting and hoping
You'll Live once again.

Chase After Light

I am not innocent
I am a sinner
I've burned down bridges
I've pushed back Truth
But something inside me
Says chase after Light
And Someone who died
Rose to give me new Life.

Somewhere

Somewhere he stands
Somewhere he walks
Somewhere he lives
And doesn't think of me
But if I come up
He shakes off the guilt
How I wish I could shake
The stinging heartbreak.

Freedom

Something I have discovered
From the darkest pits of my soul
Is the key to achieving freedom
Is mastering self-control.

Savior

Pick up my hands
You see my scars
You know the days
I walked, I cried
You know the moments
I wished for you
The times I wanted
So deeply, I wanted
To push it all away
And go Home
But you dried the tears
That stained my shadow
And gave me a Light,
My Savior.

Silver Voice

He stood on the stage
The lights kissed his smile
His eyes looked at me
In a way so mysterious
I heard our souls lift
Up out of our bodies
And meet in mid-air
Like lock meeting key
I don't know why
I can't shake the picture
Of he and I being
Together someday
But deep in my thoughts
I hear this sad song:
The boy with the silver voice
Is too far away.