A Song For Winter

I hold this cup of tea to my chest;
Warm my heart, my dear
As I look up through
Snow-covered branches
I see angels
Gentle and fragile
Yet strong as steel
Hovering over
Broken hearts in the snow;
Fall to your knees, my love
And let winter bless you
With a frosty kiss
Let the cold of the wind
Match the breaks in your heart
And like fire,
Like cider
We will warm up together
And re-arrange time
Until you are by my side.
Winter,
Let your fragile breaths of frost
Open us into
A people who let pain
Heal into something better
For are we not Spring,
With living Hope
In every heartbeat?

The Drive

Just two nights ago
I lost you
And tonight it was
That I couldn't bear
To sit at home and
Try to contain
The depth of
My cold, wet spirit
So I got in my car
And I drove.

I drove with the windows down,
Feeling December air
Fill my fragile lungs
I looked out at the last
Whispers of sunset
And in the dark
I drove as I cried;
Tears of sadness,
Tears of hope
Hoping, hoping
To let you go.

A Poem for November

In the silence and stillness of November
Between barren trees and rainy streets

I think of you

Brown eyes and a leather jacket;
Just riding in your car I felt
Safe
Just being by your side I felt
Whole
And just talking to you
For hours and hours
I didn't want to stop

I hope you think of me sometimes.
I hope you know
My heart aches this November
As I dream of Christmas
I wish you were here
And as you drive
For miles and miles
And find the ways
To close the holes in your soul
[Holes we all possess and hold]
I pray for you
I hope you know

This November is for you.

Speak

Silenced I was
Under chains and
Tape and
Ropes and
Tied to the thickest anchor
Thrown under
A deep, teal ocean
Of shame-
Red ribbons
Shimmering with
Drops of sadness
Tears and lies,
Stuffed inside
A bloated figure
Shaped as my soul, but
Silenced I was.


You shot me down
You shut me up
You ordered me out
You numbed my feelings
You plugged my tears
You hushed and shushed
Silence.
Silence.
Be quiet,
Don't speak.
Shhh, too loud-
Quiet down now.

I'm through with it.
My heart still beats
My soul still hums
My thoughts still speak
My words still scream

There is no way you can silence me.

I will speak my mind
I will carve my way
Into the deepest
Shades of today

And I will speak.

I will speak and be heard.

Love/ Lust II

She you will find
On common streets
On pages and pages
Of black and white prints
In every article, on every sign
Yes, she is common
Almost a yawn now
Her excitement has vanished
Her mirth is quite dead now
And now all she is
Is a faceless member
Of a dirt-stained crowd
Crying in shouts
Of tears and confusion
For she is a liar,
The thief of most hearts.

Yet compare her to She
Who stands firm in opposition
Quiet, discreet, she eludes us quite often
She whispers sweet sonnets
And sings, pure, like church bells
But still she runs
Just beyond every corner
Just past the point of arms reach
Beautiful.
She is as beautiful as everything
We've ever wanted
Hold her and your heart shivers,
Your pulse quickens and
Your senses sharpen
But be careful.
She is fragile
And the other waits
In a dark corner
To distract and utter
A filthy lie

Just love Her,
Love her without rust and tarnish
See her soul as a glowing angel
And give it the best of your heart
She will be sure to quench those thirsts
Still screaming inside of stifled throats
In a culture of dirt
Where we all see what is common
But still seek She who runs.

Aquamarine

Never give up hope.

On a blue sky morning
I found a path
That lead to the ocean
And looking around,
I saw I was alone.
And I let out my heart
Into aquamarine waves
I asked my Father,
Please,
Let your waves cleanse me
And soothe the pain
That runs as deep
As underwater caves.
Love,
Sing me your sonnet.

I don't want to forget you.

This poem was written on a strange night after a strange day; it was a really hard day, and then at night the power went out, and all my family went to bed, and I stayed up to write this by the light of a candle. This captures how empty and raw and aching my soul felt, and exposes my deep sadness in that moment.


I don't want to forget you.
I want to remember everything-
Your arms around me,
Your words that shone like lightning
And lit up my sky
Your dark eyes searching mine and
Trying to understand me,
Trying to piece our souls together
Into a perfect shape
I want you more than anyone.
All day long the tears have come
And my hollow soul feels weak without you
I cry out to the Lord,
Savior, I need you.
I shiver with the chills of an empty soul,
Ravenous and lost in a vast desert
Of lonely places and dead air
I need you.
My heart cries for you
Every moment since you left
I never knew I could feel this way
My dear,
My precious love,
Will I die without you here?
Will I always feel this hollow?
Will I always miss your hand in mine
And ache in ways I can hardly bear?
I don't want to forget you.
I want to remember you as mine.

Peppermint Tea

To end the silence
I saw your face in a picture
And I can't describe what my heart did
But it may be something like
A thousand window panes,
Once majestic and towering,
Shattering to the ground
Just whimpering, pathetic shards now
I don't know how
I expect myself to be okay
After forcing myself to let go of
You,
After the moments you held me close
And looked at me with warm eyes
 And made me feel alive

And I know it was me
Who said goodbye
But please just know that
I haven't stopped thinking about you,
Or the long night
With peppermint tea
And matching feet on the escalator. 

October Stars

I fell in love with you
Tonight
As we danced
Under the October night sky;
Amber lights that
Burned like comets
Pulsing music
Swam around us
And even in the
Swarming crowd
With dazzling jewels
And flashy grins
All I could see
Was you in your T-shirt,
You with your brown eyes
So comfortable
So humble and real
You,
With the sweetest smile,
Brighter than the October stars.

:)

Loneliness

Loneliness,
I welcome you.
Come here for a while
And sit by my side
I will hold you
And fix you up
I'll bring you a cup
Of your favorite warm broth
And together we will cry.
Together we will gather up the shards
Of our shattered hearts
And hold eachother close
To match up the pieces
In a simple song;
Together we will remember
The rejection like needles
Together we'll recall
Each pain-soaked risk
Taken and failed,
Fallen to the ground
Like crumbled paper
Just know, dear,
I accept you
And here you may stay
As long as you need
Pour out your contents
And let me shiver and crumble and weep into you

It's just been so long
And I'm tired of running from you.

Latitude/ Longitude

If you were here
In this lonely wood
I would hold out
Tears for you
And show you they
Fit the shapes of yours
For you and I
Have felt the same
Yet you are a sailboat
Drifting, drifting
So far and so wide
Away
I measure latitude and longitude
Wishing the saltwater miles
Weren't so alarmingly long
Between me and you
Perfect, in a painful semi-reality
And here on earth-
Nothing

Never meant to be,
and
Nothing but a painful scar
of
Exactly where you touched my heart.

The Best

I've lost you.

The beauty in you
Drains out of my vision
Everyday
Slow drops turning into
Rapid streams
How did I ever see you as so
Light-filled, so fresh,
Something new and something to hope for?
As others' lenses shift into
My peripherals
I see you differently
The result is disastrous;
I hate this new angle
A shadowey monster,
An unwanted rumor
That follows you,
Drenched in childish philosophies and
Shallow stigmas
I miss the days
I saw you with fresh eyes
And when I brought out the best in you.

Happy Birthday

One year ago from today
Tomorrow was your birthday
And you asked me if I would be there
To which I readily agreed
Excited and nervous
After being stuck in midair
For an anxious summer
Of ballerina toes and clenched fists.

I see myself in fragile frames
Shattering each glass sheet with
A new idea
As I transformed into someone new
Someone stronger than someone who would fall for you
I'm so glad to have taken these
Careful steps over
Flames and mine-fields and thorn-filled gardens
I'm better now.

Happy birthday.

Acrobats

The miles between
My oldest home
And my current home
Are astounding
As we stretch like acrobats
Down long, long highways
Dust and bumps and
Ache and sighs
I wonder where my heart lies
Somewhere between
Four hundred miles.

Cliffside

I drank in cold sunlight
Letting out a long-held breath
Down this wide and empty street
Smiles from each nestled fern
Dusty gusts of robust wind
Monstrous houses with fairytale spirits
Standing to tell their hundred year tale
And whispering,
"Who are you, new, wandering soul?"
All these things
They do reside
Down the bends of a cliffside drive.

I hope.

So low down on this mountain am I
So far up have I yet to go
And though I'm not sure
How You could love me
I hope and I hope and I hope.

Confetti

I am
Nervous
And I am
Scared
I try to be calm
Breathe in,
Breathe out
As I talk myself through this.
He really likes you
And he wants to be at your side
Just do this.
Dive in.
Hope, with outstretched arms
And smile so deep
In your lungs, in your toes
Feel something brilliant
Like scattered paper confetti
On a lush April day
Forget the pain
And scoff at your fears
FEEL this love
And let it be real...

Yet all I can feel
Is
Nothing.

To the One I will one day Love

I want someone who
Makes my heart pound and thump
Who I am so excited to see and who
Takes my hands and
Spins me around
In glorious circles
Laughter, gold lights and
Music from a gentle century
I want someone who
Doesn't care what I'm wearing
Because it's not the packaging
But the inner soul beauty;
Who sees me for who I am
And who picks me up and
Holds me tight,
Taking that risk
And letting me know I am loved;
Purely, clearly and simply
Tethered by mile-deep
Rods in the earth
Of a solid, strong Faith
And deeply-knit views;
I just want someone whose soul is as strong as his unflinching love.

Closet

I don't really know who you are
And it feels as if I never will
I'm choking on smiles
That seem quite contrived
And memories dipped
In a red, acid ink
For you're not all I thought

[I don't even know who I thought you were]

But I see now
I'll never know
So quietly I'll go
And leave you to
Someone who's better
As chipping away
At miles and miles
Of learned actions
While the genuine you
Fights, bound and gagged,
And deeply muffled
Somewhere in an upstairs closet.

On Shame

A moment of pain so intense
That the soul bounces, restless and jogging
Not sure how to endure this world anymore
A moment of pain internal
When you inhale shame
And exhale fear
And every breath cuts
Sharp, in the lungs
For you're still here
And there's no escape.

A moment of pain
That is shaming
When you sit on the floor
And pick up trash
For usually you hold it
As far from the body as possible
But today you surrender
For you believe, darkly,
That you belong where it goes:
A land-fill
Dead eyes, useless.

And a moment of pain
That leaks out the eyes
The minutes pass quickly
As the tears drip slowly
For you didn't know
Your eyes held so much saltwater
You look in the mirror
Surprised to feel this agony
When a moment ago
You were fine
A moment of pain
That ends in a quiet,
Silent prayer of the heart

Help, Lord, help.

Mountains

The sun burns golden
In stock-still trees
The mountains sit, silent,
Never to be moved
And never to be broken
The day closes
And cools under stars
Which burn, hot,
But too far away
To make a mark

Who am I
And what is my purpose?

Cherry Tomato

I love you,
My God,
Sweet as a red
Cherry tomato
Dripping down my chin;
Hot summer scorch,
Blue moon night.

Who we were meant to be...

Is there somewhere
An alternate reality
Made of juxtaposed faces
Of who we were meant to be?
For the pride we have clenched
And the ways we have failed
May be reasons our souls drag
And sputter and ail
Maybe God wanted joy
But we couldn't see how
So we looked to ourselves
And caused heartache and doubt
For lies, there are many
They twist 'round our lives
And when we fail to question
We often lose light
I look for those faces
That we were to wear
And I look at my own
Which seems cracked and impaired
I wonder if Hope
Which flutters and sings
Is a hint of the world
Where we reach those things.

Field Of Flowers

Please lay me down
In a field of flowers
Or pick me up gently
And hum a soft song
For I am so weathered
From long days
And short sleeps
I need just a simple
Moment of peace.

I Was There

For that moment when you move on from someone who never quite treated you right.

There was a day
When my tears wouldn't stop
And my heart wrung out
In six thousand melodies
Lyrics of rejection
Harmonies of hurting
And I cleaned the walls
In a bright, summer home
Yet, because of you
My heart was empty
I was forgotten
Pierced in the middle of
My softest place
Rejected by you
And you were all that I wanted

Where were you then?

There were chances-
Seconds, thirds, infinite
I handed them out to you.
Patience grew vines
Over many months of time
I swallowed bitter days
When we wouldn't speak
And still I waited
As questions grew louder
Scars grew deep
And dreams became jagged
Frightening and bleak
Finally my heart had to know
Who she was
As I looked in the mirror
And wondered what I was missing
 To capture your heart

Where were you then?

I remember your birthday
I remember your shows
I remember your family
I remember your friends

I was there.

I was there,
But I can't be now.

Vulnerability

This poem is dedicated with deepest respect and admiration to Brene Brown, and all the work she does to try to help us all cope with shame and its' deep scars. I wrote this after watching her talk entitled, "The Power Of Vulnerability."

I was there
And I was burned and forgotten
But I didn't tell a soul

And I looked in the mirror on a long night
And told myself that I was ugly
But I woke up the next day
And told the world that I was okay.

And one day I spoke the words that scared me
But he turned and walked away
He just walked away
And it burned and burned, as I ached with fire
I swallowed the flames
Leaving a charred throat inside of me
But I smiled when I saw him
And I let him know, screaming with a positive demeanor
Screaming, screaming with lies and lies
That I was fine, that nothing he could do would hurt me

And all of that may seem fine
As we sing songs about dodging bullets and wearing armor
But the fact is
That is not what happens
We are broken, we are bloody;
And I have realized
I'm no longer afraid to say it
I'm no longer afraid to be ashamed

See these scars on an old, seared soul
And know that they came from you
You, the taunter
You, in the mirror;
I condemned myself
As the worst of the worst, the last of the last
Imperfect,
And never, ever enough

But now I know
I am not invincible
I refuse to be numb
I refuse to let armor
Be an empty cage

I lift up vulnerability
To wear the wings she deserves
And I hold my heart out
To show you the bruises

You see,
You and me
We're not so different
We have both drowned
In the river that is shame

And I just wanted to write this poem
To tell you that's okay. 

On Broken Dreams

Come here,
My little superhero
Not long ago
You wished to fly
Yet dreams went damp
Out open windows
Leaving you
With tear-soaked sighs
My heart is breaking
As I watch
You fold up all your
Highest hopes
And trade them in
For wistful lies
Stashed in earl-grey envelopes
I asked you, as you
Climbed up on
My lap
In words so soft and blue,
Quietly,
"Is this the life
You wanted for
The bravest you?"
For fear I see
In your big eyes
Your tears, so heavy
Your face, so young
You look up at me
With eyes so round
And I see defeat
Beats as a drum
I have one ticket
Just one left
To take you from
This empty place
My heart is begging
That you will go;
Please, dear child,
Leave this place.

Bitter

He asked me a question and
I froze with fear and sadness
For I didn't know the answer
And my heart saw
Walls of thin foundations
Torn to the core and
Cast aside
And away we went
To a deep red sunrise
That burns my skin
To the song of a new day

I never wanted
Reality to set in
I always hoped for
A hopeful dream instead
But here I see
A senile grayness
Molding and cracking
The edges of flowers
Bittering water
That used to taste sweet
And shattering dreams
I held to as mirrors
Yet now my face
Is unfamiliar
And without these wishes
I don't know who I am.

On Wealth

If I am broke 

With empty pockets 

And hungry debts 

Hopefully I will be 

Rich in spirit, 

Full in heart 

And if I 

Reach for goodness 

I can get by
Without much of
The world's materials 

For my soul waits for places 

That money knows not.

Subtle

Dark eyes
Simple lines
Easy times
And clear-sky nights
Subtle smile
Like a child's
Hearts grow wild-
You could be mine. :)

Fear

Dedicated to the emotion I wrestle with the most.

Fear
That which clenches at my stomach
And strangles my weak lungs
Pushing and pulling
Weighing me down
So heavy, so solid
It picks me up
And hurls me to the ground
I cry out, shaking
Drowning in this deep, heavy flood
With noise, so chaotic
Filling my ears
And water spilling
In a poisoned pool
Where I choke and drown
Weighed down by my own
Ancient sorrows
 I swallow Fear and smile
So it sits in my stomach
I smile at you
So eager and so ready
You wait for me
You wait on blazing days
Til sunburns scorch
And on freezing nights
Til frostbite leaves your limbs
A deep purple
As I am here
Chained, beaten, bound and gagged
Choking, I try to find
The words to scream out
To show I am scared
But Fear fills my lungs
Black, thick
And full of an energy
So wild and so exhausting
It chases me,
Rabid and biting
It wraps me up
In squeezing scarlet
Til my heart is blue
From lack of oxygen
Fear,
Please leave me,
Your constant victim
And let me rest
So these bruises may mend.

Talking to Dreams

I had a vibrant daydream of a man too afraid to pursue his deepest and most beautiful dreams, and I awoke to write this poem for him. 

Lost in brilliant and broken lights
He stares out of
A thick, glass window
Talking to dreams
He never reached
And paralyzed
By untouched fears
So dusty and weathered
He's carried these secrets
In soft, leather cases
For many long years
Yet finally
The day has come
And the weighing fate
Is far too much
So questions ask
In loud canyon echoes,
"Will you crumble
or
Will you fly?"

Summer's Soul

Blue paint
Thick and fresh
Smells like days
Untouched just yet
Cans of peaches
Plump and full
Remind me of
A summer's soul.

Little Angel

For my smallest brother, Joey, who is 7.

tiny voice
with butterfly thin whispers
I hold you close
but you squirm away
black-brown hair
soft and short
tousled by me.

my little angel
who sleeps on the floor
on a pile of pillows
and blankets stacked high
I wish for you
to always smile
I wish for you
to never cry.

All The Rain

Rusty red tin cans
Filling up with falling rain
Slick, skinny shoots of grass
Straining high in crowded plains
Bulging puffs of heavy clouds
Weighing down on molded roofs

All the rain in deep, wet rivers
Couldn't wash my thoughts of you.

I don't understand.

For a friend I never meant to lose but still feel like I've already lost.

I don't understand
What happened
I don't understand
How we got like this
Maybe there was
Something I said
Maybe there was
Something I missed
Yet I cry out
From this corner
For you and the person
I know that you are
I know that your soul
Shines bright as a light
And I know that
Our friendship
Was brilliant like stars
And maybe the reason we've drifted
Has something to do with
The person I am
Maybe it was a misunderstanding
I just know this:
I don't understand.
I don't understand
How it happened
I just know that I wish that we
Could go back to the way
That we were all along;
Just a pure simple peace,
Just a pure simple "we".

Light // Dark

Light,
She is scoffed at
She is shunned and
She is mocked
And the world says
She is silly with
Insipid giggles
And boisterous bliss
She stands there,
Quiet, thoughtful
She won't shout and
She won't stomp
She simply stands
And if you know her
You will see
She's marked with
Softest grace
Her hair is
Straight
And golden, kind
Her eyes are grey
With wisdom, deep
She glows with
Open nourishment
And quietly
Her gazing beckons
Man to come
And listen as she
Speaks in words
As deep as pools
That sparkle silver
With emerald gems
Green is she
With growth and life;
She welcomes all
To bask and thaw.

Dark,
She is talked about
With raised eyebrows
And cunning winks
For in this world
We hold her high
She sits atop
A stone-cold throne
As drunken dancers
Lift her up
To show off all
That she can be

Yet, listen when she speaks
And look into those amber eyes
The soul who slips
Into her grips
Will find himself
Dipped deep in Pride
As he shows off how
He courts her
With golden bangles
And spiral curls
She fascinates
Encapsulates
Our curiosity,
Our restless minds
Until
Yes, until
We get her down
To sit and talk
And she speaks now
In serpent,
In toad and in slime
And the words she says
Like the thoughts she grabs
Are lies
Simple, plain
And the soul that stoops
To shake with her chills
Will soon find she
Is crass, insipid
As the curtain lifts
And Truth may dazzle
We see in her,
Dark,
That she stands for
Nothing
No wisdom she holds
No depth to her narcissism
She eats at dreams,
Licks our soft bones clean
As we show off her bangles
Her curls and her lies
Our minds grow thirsty
For thoughts were made
For wisdom's LIGHT-
Enlightenment.

Who is God?

I read recently that the highest aim is to know God. I wanted to think of somewhat of a definition for God as I have encountered Him; of course one can never fully know, but I just wanted to share my interpretation so far with you. Like in any growing relationship, I am discovering more and more each day, so keep in mind this is just the start! If you'd like to leave a comment and add to this, please feel free. :)

Who is God?

I cannot know, but I can guess.

God is the warmest light- not too cold, and not too hot or burning. Simply warm. Not only comfortable, but a luxuriously blissful place to rest is He.

He is better than the best friend we have. He knows not only our actions and explanations, but that deeply hidden, whispered truth, concealed even from ourselves at times- our intentions. He sees a thousand miles beyond the edge of the earth, and further. He knows all, and sees all.

He is the ultimate artist- painting brilliant landscapes for us to traipse around on. He gives us not only air and water, but earth to let our toes wiggle through and feel grounded, starry nights for our thirsty eyes to gaze upon, piercingly dazzling sunsets, fiery in their vibrance, to rattle our more mundanely molded moments. He gives us perfumed flowers to bring pleasure to our senses, and deep, deep oceans for us to dip our fatigued and overheated figures into after a scorching day.

He is the most caring Father, always wishing what's best for us, and shedding tears of rainy sadness at our deep sorrows. He is within every act of pure love between people, pulsating in our caring, vibrating from honest voices and words that mend, repair and heal.

He is a reflection of who we all wish to be, in every way; creator, lover, artist, steward, healer, everything; He is Love.

Ballerina

I wrote this poem in all lowercase because it reflected how small I felt beneath the heavy indigo sky.

as lonely as a palm tree
here i sway
as underneath the weeping stars
you stare up as you lay
and she's the ballerina
spinning in your head
i'm the swollen summer sun
burning cherry red
eclipses pass our drizzly sights
and summers end in rain
but beauty never leaves your eyes
as my heart aches in pain
for you're the memory beating
through every open wound
i wonder if you'll call her up
and be her savior soon
cause i'll be in the summer months
july, august and june
i miss the moments you were mine
like mornings miss the moon
and maybe i'm too turquoise for
your stubborn shades of gray
all i know is that
i miss you more and more each day.

Single

Maybe one day I'll be married
And to the one that I love
I'll forever be true
And we'll work through each fight
With the strength of a hurricane
And I'll thank my good God
For each moment of love...

But for now as I skip
Down the beach on a Tuesday
My hair is a mess
And I dance like a freak
Yet I really don't care
Cause there's no one to think of
I savor this moment
Like sweets, warm and caramel
I don't have to worry
About jealousy
Or trying to decode
Minimally communicated semi-messages
Or trying to decipher
The actions of my male peers
For I am alone
Simply and profoundly
And I know that
Being single
Can be fantastically, dazzlingly
Beautifully bright.

Haiku Without Words

You called me yours and
I called you mine but we did
Not use words, no words.

The Stranger

There's a stranger
With a dark brown hat
He smiles at me
From across the room
And into my hands
He slips a stiff stack
Of patient love letters;
Words traced in ink
He sends seven dozen
Bright, verdant flowers
Beaming with beauty
They sit in a vase
And we sit and talk
On a bench in the park
He tells me bright things
That should make my heart sing

Yet it doesn't.
It sits.
And through his letters
I see strings of lies
In his flowers
I find bugs and decay
And in his words
Shined up and polished
I'm not clear and certain
To whom his compliments are addressed
For he is a stranger
And all he sees
Is a healthy body
Yet I am a girl
With a heart and a soul
The stranger tries his hardest
To unwrap the wrappings
And untie each ribbon
To reveal this great gift
That I hide
Very deeply
But I must leave
Before he succeeds

For in death
I find greater comfort
Than to be lied to,
And viewed as
Means to pleasure

By a stranger,
A darkened stranger.

My Heart

My heart sits inside your hands
Quietly, she beats and waits
Wondering if you'll pick her up
And hold her in a special place
She may not be
The finest heart-
She has a couple
Cracks and breaks
But you would be
Amazed to see
The caring warmth
That she creates
And even though
She may be small
Inside she's full
Of purest love
And she could pour it
Out for you
If you'd hold her
With softest glove
Just give her time-
Don't hold too tight
And she will show you
Magic things
For Love runs in her
Swelling veins
Unending in its'
Spilling springs.

:)

Clay

I am not a potter
And you are not
Made of clay
I can't just shape and mold you
Into everything
I want and need
For you are already
Taking shape
And the shape I've seen
Is beautiful
Like sunlit gems on a glassy beach
Yet definitely not
The shape I need
So I'll let you go
So you can grow
Into anything you wish
I'll let you go
So my ideas and dreams
Won't haunt your thoughts
And box up your actions
I'll let you go
Even though these tears
Soak my sheets
As I cry each night
Under black-burnt dreams
For before I knew
You were not for me
I wished and wished
That you could be.

Acid

I saw her today
With you
On the street
She smiled at you
And slipped your hand
In her palm
And she let loose
Those words
That break my heart
A thousand times
She told you that
She loves you

And as my stomach
Filled with acid
As as my wishes
Soft and secret
Crumbled away
As my eyes
Burned with tears
I let myself feel
This jealousy
Acid.
It leaks in my mind
Spewing like gas
Spilling like fountains
I swallow a lump
Inside my throat
Destruction whispers
But I ignore her

For I don't want
To hurt myself
Or you, my friend
Or even her
I just wanted to be your girl.

That's all I wanted.

Goodbye.

Wind-Chimes

Somewhere in another world,
A universe that's not too far
You and I are there, together
Hand in hand, we walk through the woods
Searching for sunlight
Through moss-covered meadows
And everything we've ever said
That's glistened with an honest charm
Hangs in crystal
In wind-chime trees.

Yet here on earth
We walk through
Separate
I see you sometimes but
Our faces are distant
Our hands never touch
Our hearts are apart
And the things that we've shared
Are broken in bits
Yet glued back together
Clumsily, by time
And although I daydream
Of parallel universes
I hold every moment
That you and I spend
Close to my heart
And wrapped up in Hope.

Cold World

I'm just trying my best to keep my morals and values strong in a world so vehemently opposed to that. I have found so much peace, joy and fulfillment in trying to know God, and on the converse, I shudder to think of the darkness I've glimpsed when I become immersed in more worldly matters. I pray God will keep me safe from evil always, and I pray He does the same for you, too! :)

You can take my coat.
And you can have this
Plastic smile
As you dial on a telephone
With phantom hands
I've never held
As sinister fingers
Touch my bones
I wonder how you think
You'll get to me
I wonder how you you've
Ever been under that illusion

Ha.
I laugh.

Cages will shut
And voices may scream
Shackles may clasp
And doors will slam
As my body may be
Inside of you buildings
Go ahead, dark sir,
And light a quick match
Burn up my body
You can take
These mannequin motions
You can have
Each piece of my outer
For when you reach out
For my hand
You will find
That it is cold
Like my heart
Which will be
Deflated and silent
For I will be
Dead.


As my soul sits high
On a travertine shelf
And my mind now is locked
In a solid gold haven
For you, cold world
Can have these lies
I don't belong here
Inside your black prison
I don't belong here
Choking on your bitter poison.

King

You chased me down
In front of my friends
And you aimed at me
An arrow of arrogance
You pointed at me
A shotgun of smugness
And you asked me a question
Intended to hurt
I spun in a daze,
Unsure of an answer
And you, as a hawk
Swooped up my dignity
And let it fall-
Crash
In a bloody sheet of glass
As I was left
To squirm in pain
So tell me, proud sir,
What is your gain?
What is the profit
In making a stranger
Look like a fool?
How do you feel now,
Haughty and high up?
Do you feel like a king?
Let me polish your throne
Built from pebbles of pride
And fashioned in shimmering
Glimmers of greed
As you laugh in your kingdom
You can be sure
That your chuckles will echo
For no one is here
To laugh at your side
And as I leave your courtroom
I feel Pity's sting
For I notice your kingdom is
Empty.